Because You Loved Me ~
“With mindfulness, loving kindness, and self-compassion, we can begin to let go of our expectations about how life and those we love should be.”
~ Sharon Salzberg
When I worked with the youth, there were many opportunities to teach memorable lessons.
One of those times was in February, around Valentine’s Day in 1996. The song ‘Because You Loved Me’ by Celine Dion was released on February 19th of that year. It was ranked the 14th top Love song of all time and could be heard everywhere.
While cleaning up after a Youth Group session, I heard some conversations from the teens while they enjoyed snacks and chit-chatted between groups about this new song. The girls were all over the words and spoke about sharing it with the ones they were in relationships with and the importance of what “they thought” real love meant through this song. The ones not in a relationship chimed in and claimed that that kind of love would be what they would look for in someone with a heart like the one Celine spoke of in her song.
At the time, I thought, “Ah...puppy love. I feel saddened for the ones who think they have to live up to the words from Celine’s song to have a strong and healthy relationship…sheese!”
And left it at that.
On the way home that night, “Because You Loved Me” came on the radio. It was a quiet drive home after three hours with a group of teenagers who had enough energy to keep the electricity going in our town for years. I focused on Celine’s beautiful voice, which gave me a peaceful feeling and allowed her words to seep into my heart. When it was over, I was home and wasn’t ready to get out of the car just yet as I contemplated the kind of pressure we put on each other in relationships to be who we desired them to be. (We’ve been taught this way, you know.)
When I did come into the house and put things away from the day, I pulled up the words of that song on the computer so I could sit awhile and think about the message this song was sending.
Has it ever happened to you when there was complete silence, and your focus was on something important to you, and out of nowhere, you felt a sudden surge of awareness that brought you to a knowing you didn’t know you had? Well, this happened to me.
Call it an intervention or a surrendering, but I felt overwhelmingly emotional when I realized the only one who could fill those boots was not a human mate at all; it was the Divine Spirit who lived within my heart.
As I read each line, memories of different experiences in my life came through and heightened my awareness of the powerful energy that pulled me out of a deep hole more than I could count, either that I didn’t see coming or that I did but couldn’t run away fast enough. Every line in this song spoke volumes about how this Awesome Energy came to the rescue through difficult and joyful times.
As I prepared for bed, I thought about my relationships from my teenage years to adulthood. At that time, I was single, busy raising the boys and working, but as the memories floated past my mind, I sighed; I was just as guilty as these young girls, hoping one day that I would meet someone who could live up to the expectations of this kind of an illusion. Deep, tearful gratitude was all I could feel as I fell asleep.
The following day, I woke up with an idea for our Youth Group meeting in a few days.
As I drove to the church, I silently prayed for the energy of Love to play its part in opening space for new ways of understanding.
I waited as the teens got comfy on couches and big stuffed chairs, and some crossed their legs on the floor. I was quietly excited at how this exercise would go.
About 30 kids were waiting to see what the evening would entail. I told them we would put a puzzle together based on a well-known song. I would pass cardboard pieces around with a line from the song on each one, and they would work together to complete it. They picked two team leaders to stand on chairs and guide the rest of them from different ends. I gave them a time limit and said, "Go."
It was a joy to watch how they maneuvered around the pieces, the giggles, the seriousness, and when one person figured out the song, they completed it in no time like ants excitingly picking up sugar granules that had spilled all over the floor. How I loved working with them.🥰
Then, I asked them to quietly follow the words with their eyes as I played the song. When the song was through, I asked the teens to give me their thoughts on whether they believed this song represented how we should love another in close relationships.
Hands went up, and quite a few thought yes and gave their reasons. Then, one brave soul said no. When I asked him why, he said if he dated someone and they said this is how they would like the relationship to be, the pressure he would feel would be too much for him to handle, and he’d walk away.
I smiled and said, “Bingo!”
I waited momentarily for the words to sink in and responded, “Now, let’s say your significant other decides to leave you. Maybe they met someone else or didn’t feel the love anymore? Then what?”
I then added that there were a couple of lines in this song that were difficult for me to swallow as truth when it came to a partner relationship:
“I’m everything I am
Because you loved me.”
“Does this mean that if they leave you for whatever reason, you are now ‘nothing’ because they don’t love you anymore? Think about it for a minute.”
Then, I asked for their thoughts, and they gave it.
It was as though their minds shifted to this broader perspective. The conversations were meaningful and respectful of each other's positions. I saw wisdom far beyond their years and I was enjoying every minute of it.
I then told them my perspective and what happened a couple of nights ago when I thought about my relationships from their age up to now and realized how much pressure we put on each other to be who we want them to be for us. I realized that the only one who could come closer than close to filling those boots was not a human mate at all; it was the One who created us, knows us like no other, and lives within our hearts.
I gave space for reflection before I went on…
I then added, “There were such courageous, beautiful, and powerful words throughout this song that I wondered how any humans could actually live up to this kind of responsibility—not anyone I knew, not even myself.”
I shared the importance of remembering that allowing our Divine Creator to love in and through us is where strength, compassion, and overall peace and joy stem.
I said that I would now play Celine’s song again, and to listen closely to the words from the perspective of their relationship with our Divine Spirit, and to see if it brings them to a place where a peaceful alignment is felt from within.
There was a beautiful silence in the room that gave me chills. We spoke a little more about their perspective from when they first heard the song to now, which was like sharing a warm cup of joy with them. After a few minutes, we broke up for snacks and free time. It was still a bit somber as they gathered and talked in groups.
When the kids had left, I turned off the lights and shut the door. I took a deep, fresh breath, and the night air felt crisp and refreshing. I smiled as I got into the car and whispered a prayer of gratitude for the support, yet again, from the Love of my everything.
One more thing, and this pulls the whole story together for me.
A week later, when I opened the door for Youth Group, a messenger dressed as a teenager about 16 years old was waiting and asked if he could share with me an experience he had the other day that had to do with last week's meeting. We sat down on the bench outside, and this is what he said:
“I was driving home a few nights ago, and the song, “Because You Loved Me,” came on the radio.
Because of all that we discussed last week, as I listened to the words from my heart, not my mind, and my relationship with our Divine Spirit, I had to pull over because I couldn’t concentrate on driving and had to collect myself. I wanted to thank you for giving me this perspective. It has changed how I look at personal relationships, and I am thankful.”
I thanked him, too, for not only sharing this with me but also validating that it was an essential teaching and life-changing experience for all of us.
It was a profound gathering over 30 years ago, and because it was, I remember it as if it were yesterday.💖
Thought to ponder:
What triggers your heart to open in remembering profound learning experiences from your past?
Thank you for stopping by and reading. If you feel there is someone who would benefit from this story, please pass it along. Ty💖
©Terry Pottinger 2025